Five Things I've Learned From Pregnancy (So Far)

1) At some point, no matter how hard you fight it, the pregnancy waddle will happen. What I've discovered is that it is due to the fact that the baby "drops" into (feels like onto) your pelvis. Or in my case has dropped three separate times in as many weeks; even my OB has been surprised at my weekly appointments.

2) Morning sickness is a huge misnomer. Not only does it refuse to restrict itself to mornings, coming and going as it pleases throughout the day, but it also can come back for the second (and third) trimester. No one tells you that little gem until you're asking why the puking has returned... at week 23.

3) There are three distinct stages in pregnancy:
-The "You're annoyed by someone assuming you're pregnant as soon as you have a hint of a baby bump" stage. Seriously, people, such a bad idea.

- The "Someone not realizing you're pregnant is equally irritating" stage. My 35 week reaction to a, "Wow! You've been pregnant this whole time?!" comment was, "What exactly did you think this (gesturing to belly) was...? Lunch?"

- The "Frustrated by strangers assuming that they have a right to know any and every detail they want" stage. Birth plan, feeding preference, co-sleeping, parenting style, and how dare you not share the name you've picked!

4) Hormones and mood swings - they weren't kidding. A few weeks back, getting in the car after work and seeing a tear-stained napkin from an emotional breakdown before work was enough to start the waterworks all over again.

5) As uncomfortable as the kicks, rolls, and punches make everything, it's still amazing to stop and think that the baby in there is the same one that you'll actually hold once he decides to make an appearance. And yet after nine months it seems so normal to have another being just doing his own thing and dancing among your internal organs. I'm going to miss that part.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart do walking around outside your body."
Elizabeth Stone

Five Things I've Learned from Financial Institutions

As I may or may not have mentioned previously, I work at a financial institution. The things that I have been learning from this position are generally, but not always, related to financing.

1) Boogers are not an acceptable form of currency. Judging from the number of people who include them with their deposits, this is not common knowledge.

2) Strippers make their boyfriends bring in their piles of one dollar bills. Why said strippers never bother to face the bills, thus making the transaction as fast as possible, is beyond me. Apparently they're too embarrassed to bring their earnings in, but even they don't like handling that crap.

3) The general population thinks nothing of bringing their dogs in, leashed or otherwise. This also stands true for the full-blooded wolf that someone decided to bring to my station recently (no leash, I might add). Our entire branch is now aware that wild animals and their "owners" are to be kept away from me.

4) If you're too embarrassed to spend your money, we don't want it either. This means you, person whose cat peed on a pile of bills. The fact that you tried to wash them before bringing them in didn't help, and the fact that you neglected to tell me why you tried to wash them until I had them in my hand is reprehensible. Angry and covered in cat pee is not how you want someone to be helping you.

5) If you're under the age of 30, it is highly likely that you believe you have a checkings account. People over the age of 30 find this laughable, and promptly request access to their safety deposit box. Heaven help them. Or me. I'm honestly not sure who needs it more at this point...

"Money is neither my god nor my devil. It is a form of energy that tends to make us more of who we already are, whether it's greedy or loving."
Dan Millman

Five Things I've Learned From Horror Movies

I readily admit to being a horror movie fiend. The buildup of suspense, the eerie music and vague imagery...I love it. Chris does not share my affinity for the genre, but he's generally a good sport about it. We watched our first horror movie in months on Saturday night. The trailer made it seem like the movie we chose had potential, but "Don't be Afraid of the Dark" was not even mildly creepy. Such a let down.

The important thing is that I've gathered critical survival tips from these movies:

 5) If you find yourself in a horror movie scenario, never take a bath or shower.

4) Never volunteer to investigate the weird noises coming from outside.

3) Never volunteer to investigate weird noises, period.
(This also happens to be my philosophy for everyday life.)

2) Always carry matches. They work as well (or better) than a 75 watt light bulb.

1) Never, ever utter the words, "I'll be right back." Guaranteed death sentence.

In other words: I will be unshowered, armed with flammables, and refusing to answer the door. You've been warned.

What? You don't watch movies with your pets?

Obsession of the week: Instagram
This photo editing and sharing app is phenomenal. Easy to use, fun filters/effects that give your photos a retro feel, and you can either take photos through the app or use ones already on your camera roll.