Monday, September 22, 2014

Expectation vs. Reality

Well, here we are three months into life with a baby. It's been wonderful, challenging, confusing, terrifying, and amazing - and that was just today. Life is nowhere near what I anticipated it would be, and getting up close and personal with the unpredictability has illustrated a few chasms between my expectations and reality. Some good differences, some not so good, but all providing an opportunity to practice flexibility, which I've been told will come in handy later on.

The short version of our birth story is that my water broke without starting labor and I had to be induced. 32-ish hours later I was ready to start pushing and did so for three hours, making exactly zero progress. From there we went into an unplanned c-section and finally got to meet our son. We went home from the hospital after three days, and on day nine I was readmitted with an infection that had caused an abscess at the incision site. Following that was eight weeks of "wound care" visits multiple times per week, one UTI, six bouts of mastitis, and nine rounds of antibiotics. Thankfully, my wonderful mother was willing and able to stay with us for the first month and helped us figure out how to function among the challenges that were thrown our way.

Expectation: They hurt and you breathe through them; painful, but doable.
Reality: Mother of Troy, those suckers are brutal. While I wasn't shouting obscenities the entire time or screaming for drugs, I have no idea how women do natural birth, especially with back labor. In hindsight though, I would take contractions over the first month of wound care appointments any day.

Expectation: They take the edge off, but you can still function.
Reality: The epidural took away a lot more sensation than I anticipated, but considering the alternative (and that I actively pushed for three long hours) it was still a good choice. Complications with Jr kept me exclusively on my back and right side, which meant that I had no feeling on the right and quite a bit of feeling on the left as epidurals apparently follow gravity.

Expectation: None, as neither my doctor or I had anticipated the need for one.
Reality: They really suck. For me, it was a rough experience. I ended up incredibly groggy when Jr was born and don't remember a whole lot, which is frustrating. The only vivid recollections I have are being cold and feeling uneasy holding him afterwards as I couldn't control my hands.

Labor in General
Expectation: An exhausting but "normal" birth experience without surgical intervention and where any complications would be minor.
Reality: The labor and birth processes were vastly different than I anticipated. While many aspects still hold some disappointment, all that matters in the end is that we have a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

Expectation: It feels strange to admit, but I didn't expect to have an instant bond with Jr. I figured it would take time to get to know this new little person, but that the bond would grow relatively quickly once we brought him home.
Reality: I was completely in love with him as soon as I was capable of coherent thought after surgery. And with that came the intense fear that something might happen to him, along with a how-can-I-protect-him-from-everything panic.

Expectation: We would seamlessly transition to cloth diapers as soon as we arrived home from the hospital, keeping Jr's tender skin irritation-free while simultaneously saving money and the environment.
Reality: HA! Thanks to being on antibiotics for the first two months of Jr's life, we were constantly fighting yeast-based diaper rash. Cloth diapers were put on hold due to the fact that yeast will grow in the diaper inserts, heavy duty diaper cream (zinc oxide based) will ruin cloth diapers, and I have no interest in taking on optional challenges until things settle down.

Expectation: The beginning would be challenging, but after sticking it out for a few weeks, things would progressively become easier.
Reality: The beginning was rough and we had to supplement with formula - not what I wanted at all, but necessary for a while. There was a period of about three weeks where we were the poster-child for success. And then it all went to crap (thank you, mastitis and baby reflux) and we are still trying to recover.

Expectation: Up at all hours, a decent night of sleep will become a pipe dream.
Reality: I do miss sleeping past 7am, but it hasn't been that bad. The first two weeks were tiring since we were up every two or three hours, but things settled into somewhat of a routine fairly quickly. Currently we are working a two hour schedule during the day with one nighttime feeding between 3am and 5am.

Expectation: Resign yourself to cold food as you will never have an uninterrupted meal.
Reality: This one is true. Most of my meals are punctuated by feeding, diapering, or soothing and I eventually return to lukewarm food. It's a bit depressing, but I've switched to salads since they taste better cold.

Expectation: You'll rarely shower or brush your teeth. Spit up will be a normal addition to your clothes and you'll be too tired to change.
Reality: Showers and tooth brushing don't always happen on time, but most of the time showers happen before noon and I still brush three times a day. Spit up is sneaky, but it's not usually too hard to notice and clothes are changed right away. Milk stains, on the other hand, are a routine part of my wardrobe. Not ideal, but I don't have enough clothes to accommodate eight outfits per day.

Personal Time
Expectation: Little to none without hiring a babysitter.
Reality: Chris and I have been making it a priority to ensure that we each have some time off from baby duty a few times a week. Additionally, the grandparents have been incredibly helpful in watching him when I have appointments - I'm fairly certain they like it though.

Expectation: Most of the baby weight would come off in the first six months, but the last few pounds would be a battle royal.
Reality: The one fight I expected is the only one that didn't happen. The baby weight (and some friends) left without effort. My shape, however, is completely different than what it was.


"Mom, I do not find your buffoonery amusing."

Ready to ride.

We get SO excited in the monkey seat.

Nap Central. If only I could sleep as well...

There you have it - the good, the bad, and the impossibly cute.

"Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."
Gary Allan


Jniz said...

Aww you amaze me dear sis . So proud of you guys . Your doing a great job of raising Jr.

Everyday Obscurity said...

Thanks, sis :)